my guitarrist desire

Moms Should Get Naughty Too Sometimes (Or How To Bring Back The Passion to Your Marriage)

I’m a married woman with children, that’s true.
But yesterday it was just stronger than me.
I went out with friends, and in some bar, there was a live performance by some band. And there was a guitarist.
Aaaahhhhh… He was so tall and handsome and so cool… In unimaginable levels … He had this roughness that drives me crazy… And the music that his fingers produced touching – not touching the strings… I have not felt such a burning desire for a long time already. Such a strong attraction.
And he, too, gave me a look from time to time.
A  playful look.
A flirtatious look.
A look of “I know you want me…”
So after the show, I went up to him. I felt I just had to.
And he pulled me to him without too much talking or any questions. Pressing my trembling body against his strong corpus he just kissed me the most animalish and the most melting kiss at the same time.
True, I’m a married woman with children. But it was simply completely out of my control. The adrenalin that flowed through my body made me feel like a sixteen years old girl – wild and full of hormones. Oh, how much I wanted him… With all my body… Every centimeter of my skin was burning, craving for his touch.
And we spent a wild night together. As I had not experienced before. It was all shades of gray, black, white, red and purple all together. A madness of senses.
And although I had hardly slept, I woke up at seven in the morning. Feeling on tenterhooks from the adrenalin. Emotions running high.
I am in love.
like in the old days.
Just completely in love from head to toe.
What a thrilling feeling! What a stirring feeling …
And what a pleasure it is …
What a pleasure it is that I’m in love again …
What a pleasure it is that I’m in love again with the man I’m married to with children…
(And what fun it is that there are grandparents who occasionally babysit the grandchildren 🙂 )
My Guitarrist and I
My Guitarist and I

Do you also want to feel this way?

After marriage and bringing kids to this world, people often start taking each other for granted.

We are used to the presence of this person beside us, and we are lost in the grinding routine of taking care of the kids and house chores.

We concentrate mostly on what he did wrong, or what he forgot to do or how he shouldn’t have done this or said that.

And this is the secure and the direct way to throw our relationship to hell.

So how can we avoid it? Or how can we fix it?

If you have a good loving relationship, that is based on mutual respect and friendship, and just the passion is gone, this is actually quite an easy fix. I will give you some winning tips right away.

If the relationship is “broken”. If there is no mutual respect, no friendship, nor love – I will suggest some more profound material at the end of this post.

So how to revive the passion?

There are 3 golden rules to follow:

1. Break The Routine

Routine and taking each other for granted is the worst enemy of a loving couple.

So break it!

Break the routine. Go out together like in the old times. Ask the grandparents to take care of the kids, or hire a babysitter.

Do not give in to fatigue. Yes, as parents we are tired all the time. And just wait to go to bed. BUT as soon as the adrenalin will begin to flow through your blood, the fatigue will have no trace.

save your marriage
Do a role-playing game. It brings some necessary spice to a rusty relationship… 😉 Set a date in a certain place and get there each one in his own way. Not together. Play as if you just met… Flirt…
It might feel ridiculous and artificial in the beginning, but you’ll see that in the end, it will be a lot of fun!

Be naughty, be playful, be wild, do crazy and exciting things together. And you will fall in love with your partner again.

2. Do things that excite you.

I mean – do exciting things that do not relate to sex life. Find a hobby that excites you, and let your spouse engage in a hobby that excites him.

This one is not so obvious, and actually, I got this tip from my friend – Sharon Roushink, who is a brilliant counselor for couples and families with a lot of knowledge and experience.

I want to draw your attention to the fact that the burnout and the routine permeate from other aspects of life into the sex life as well.
If you look in deep, you discover that the passion has been lost on many levels. Not just in sex.
A certain person feels a lack of excitement in other areas of his life. In addition, the partner with whom he is, no longer as enthusiastic as before. The passion has disappeared because the inner desire has disappeared. The inner desire to life, creativity, reinventing ourselves, investing in the constant search for growth, investing in our looks, sports, anything that creates the sparkle in the eyes. When this inner desire disappears, also the sexual one vanishes. In addition, the spouse is less attracted to us – because at the end – that’s what attracts us – the desire for life.
And when one spouse is off in this place – he lacks passion. First of all to himself. And then also towards his partner.

So what can you do?
Seek what excites you. At all levels, not just sex – that’s what creates interest, curiosity, challenge.

And then the desire returns.

Also, let your spouse have the free time and the opportunity to do the things that excite him. This way his passion will wake up towards you, and it will also make you desire him.

In my story, for example, my husband has this band. It’s his hobby. They don’t make any money with this. They are doing it just for fun. But it lightens him up. It turns him on. On one hand, it revives the passion within him, and on the other hand, when I see him like this it also revives my desire towards him. It totally turns me on. And this is the reason why every week, once a week I stay alone with two little kids, and he goes to the rehearsals. Yeah, sometimes it’s hard, but the final result is totally worth it.

3. Create mystery

If your man is a good friend of yours, but you notice that he does not feel as attracted to you as before, creating some mystery will fix it.

Like Gregg Michaelsen, the author of the Dating and Relationship  Advice for Women series, told me:

Relationships get stale and it’s up to you to zig when he thinks you are going to zag.

The secret is to develop a new and vibrant social life and go to it. At some point, he should start to wonder/worry/ what and why you are doing this and this could create the mystery and challenge you need to revive his attraction towards you.

Think of the movie “Fried Green Tomatoes” and start getting a little crazy like Kathy. In the movie, you will notice how Evelyn Couch’s (Kathy Bates) gets motivated by her visits to Ninny Threadgoode (Jessica Tandy) in the nursing home. She changes her life in an instant, and her “boring ass” husband gets a massive dose of a new and improved Evelyn! This is what you need to do. Gauge how far you need to take things by his reaction or lack thereof. The minute he starts to realize that he could lose you, the instant that his “chase DNA” kicks back in like the day he fell in love with you…

 

Keep it burning. Don’t give up on your love.

The best “cheating” in the world is when you’re “cheating” with your partner. It causes pain for no one. Just pleasure. Pure pleasure. A win-win-win situation.

You win, he wins, your love wins, and your kids also win a happy home with happy parents.

 

And what if it’s not just the passion? What if the relationship is just “broken”?

Well, in this case, I’d recommend you some very good material that can help you.

1. Get one of these books. These were demonstrated to be extremely helpful, and have hundreds of positive reviews and 5 stars ratings from customers.

 

 

 

 

2. The “Mend The Marriage” program of Brad Browning – Marriage Coach and Best Selling Author.

I added here one of his free videos, so you can get the impression. I must say he is really good.
Click Here To get on his Great Program!

mend the marriage program

Click Here To get on his Great Program!

Anna Riabzev

Hi, My name is Anna. I'd like to apologize in advance, my English is not perfect and full of mistakes, just like my parenting. But I try my best. In both :-) I am a mother of three adorable kids. Orel, is my amazing red-head boy from my first marriage. Gabriel is a blond sweet child, who was born with a rare genetic syndrom (2q37 - to those who would like to google it). And Marina - my beautiful brunette princess. Although in pictures everything looks perfect, it's not. But it's ok! If everything would be perfect it would be boring - right? In this blog I'd like to share with you my parenting experience. The good and the bad. My successes and failures. The things that cause me guilt feelings, and the things I'm proud of. I hope you will enjoy this blog. Will be really glad if you'll leave me comments and tell me what you think. Have a great day! :)

16 thoughts to “Moms Should Get Naughty Too Sometimes (Or How To Bring Back The Passion to Your Marriage)”

  1. Hey Anna,
    You are very naughty tricking me like that.
    I guess it was a happy ending though,
    So I might as well cancel those guitar lessons I signed up for ?
    That’s ok we can still be friends !

    1. Hi Mike LOL 😀
      If you want to learn to play the guitar, go ahead! But if it’s for me – then definitely cancel the lessons! I’m getting naughty only with my man…
      Although finding excitement outside of marriage, might seem as a “refresher”, I must tell you it’s a VERY BAD idea.
      Reviving the passion with your spouse is a much better solution that brings much more happiness and satisfaction, with hurting absolutely no one…

  2. Wow! Just reading your post made me heat up! LOL Seriously, as I was reading I was thinking you were cheating on your husband, so I was pleasantly surprised to discover it was your husband!

    Anyway, great post about how to keep the love alive. I read one of your book recommendations “Getting the Love You Want” last year. I highly recommend IMAGO therapy to anyone who is having relationship challenges. It’s a game changer!

    1. Thank you, Jackie!

      I’m glad you enjoyed the post 🙂

      And, yep, maybe I should write a seperate post about the IMAGO therapy.

  3. I love this. It can be hard to keep the passion when your life shifts from revolving around each other to revolving around your children. Date nights are an absolute must. I love your suggestion of showing up separate somewhere and pretending to meet for the first time. This can be fun with another couple too. Girls show up together and the guys show up together and then the couples leave together. (Plus in my experience it’s not quite as uncomfortable as sitting at the bar by yourself waiting for your husband to hit on you). Love your posts. Keep ‘em coming!

    1. Thank you, Briana! To go with another couple is actually a brilliant idea!! How didn’t I come up with it by myself?! I’m sooo going to do it. Sounds real fun!

  4. You fooled me there Anna, I thought you were having a hot cheating session there! But it’s also great that you were referring to your husband. I agree that as a mum, parenthood consume us sometimes to a level that we are not aware of. I’m taking your advice as I need that! I’m a new mum myself, co-sleeping, and I think although my hubby and I love each other so much, we need to take ourselves now and then back where it was just me and him, to re-freshen our marriage. Thanks for your great article!

    1. Thank you, Diellebee!

      Yes, it is very important to keep this fire burning. Although it’s hard, it’s totally worth it.

      we are also co-sleeping with our children (the two small ones. The 11 years old one sleeps already by himself 😀 ). And in this situation it is even more important. Because when we lose the physical touch, we lose also the emotional touch. People don’t know it, but these two go together. And it’s very important to remember that we are not only parents, but also lovers 🙂

  5. Of course this was the first article I read!! Thank you for sharing your passion! Your book recommendations are really helpful and your writing (and English) is so fun to read. I am really happy I found this blog today!

  6. I really enjoyed reading your article. Regarding broken relationship – how to know if it still can be saved? I guess there is a point or a limit when it is already too late, isn’t there? So how to know if that line is not yet crossed? I have read very often that it is easy to set apart and much harder to fix the relationship. But the easiest is to simply continue the broken relationship till life or destiny changes it. And that’s the way many couples are doing. But what is the right way?

    1. Thank you, Arta! I’m glad you enjoyed my article 🙂

      Regarding broken relationship – I believe that as long as there is at least one side that wants to fix things – it’s possible. Maybe hard, but possible. If both sides gave up and are not interested in fixing and working things out – there’s nothing to do.

      Of course, sometimes there are situations when two people just don’t fit together. Sometimes the marriage is a mistake in the first place… But if the relationship was good in the beginning, and there were love and attraction in the beginning – then I believe you can fix it. Even after infidelity. 

      This is my opinion.

  7. Wow. This is some really good marriage advice. I love your ideas for breaking the routine. I think in every marriage we find ourselves falling in to the lull of day to day life and this can really hamper the relationship with your spouse.

    I also like your book recommendations and will definitely check those out.

    Thanks Anna!

  8. Hi Anna,

    I also enjoyed to read your post, and I liked the twist on your night with the guitarist. The best recipe ever for a long-lasting relationship. 🙂

    I have read the book about the five different languages of love. I can recommend that too. The book was very interesting and gave me some insight into the different ways people show their love, and what can be considered to be actions of love. As an example, I am no big fan of gifts (i.e. gadgets) myself. That is just waste of money in my mind. But, if I am offered a shoulder or back massage, then that is a totally different story.

    Marika

    1. Oh, Miqua! I am sooo with you on this!!!! I totally prefer a massage a thousend times more than any gadget!! 😀

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